


The scars we’ve caused each other

by growup_thatbeautiful



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Billy feels bad, Boys In Love, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Morning, Domestic Fluff, Families of Choice, Gay Billy Hargrove, Gay Steve Harrington, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Soft Billy Hargrove, Soft Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, domestic billy hargrove/ steve harrington
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growup_thatbeautiful/pseuds/growup_thatbeautiful
Summary: Christmas morning at the Harrington and Hargrove household is full of soft moments and cute gifts.~~~~Steve’s hair is still wet from his shower, and he smells like home. He’s wearing one of Billy’s t-shirts and a pair of boxers, while Billy is just wearing a pair of Steve’s sweatpants. It’s domestic, them wearing each other’s clothes and cooking breakfast for each other. It’s also something Billy never thought he would have.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Dustin Henderson/Suzie, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Will Byers/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	The scars we’ve caused each other

“The flowers bloom, the children play  
The stars gleam, the poets dream  
The eagles fly without you  
The earth turns, the sun burns  
But I did without you.”  
-Without You, Rent, Jonathan Larson 

Billy wakes up without Steve, which isn’t surprising considering Steve is always awake before him. It is surprising that Steve isn’t in bed, he usually prefers to stay with Billy until he wakes up. 

He stretches out on the bed and looks around their room. There are clothes strewn on the floor from last night, and their curtains are open wide, courtesy of Steve. His boyfriend most likely in the shower, nothing if not predictable. 

Billy thinks it sounds like a good idea to go in after him, but the idea of having breakfast ready for his baby when he gets out is just a little too compelling. 

It’s not like today is a normal day. No, today is Christmas, and Billy loves Christmas. It’s always been a time that he’s been able to be selfish, a time that he used to be able to get out of the house and do his own thing, maybe bring Max along with him. Now that he has Steve, Christmas is even better. He gets to wake up knowing that there’s going to be someone with him, someone that has chosen Billy over and over again, loving him. Steve’s his everything, and the fact that they get to spend this holiday together blows Billy’s mind. 

He can’t believe that Steve is with him. He’s done some shitty things to him. Some really fucked up things, things that Steve should never have forgiven, much less let Billy into his life like this. Not that he’s complaining. Billy’s recovery had been slow and agonizing, leaving scars behind that will never, never heal. Metaphorical and literal scars. Like the scars he’s left on Steve. After all the shit that happened in Hawkins he needed to get out and apparently Steve had needed the same thing. 

They hadn’t started as friends. Turns out when you fight otherworldly monsters there’s a sort of bonding there. 

They’d just needed someone to talk to, someone who could understand. That turned to someone who could hold them at night when they had nightmares, someone who could be there during the terrors that plague their minds. 

It had been slow, getting to trust that Steve wasn’t still mad at him, that Steve wouldn’t leave him at any moment. On the other hand, he had been terrified that Steve wasn’t mad enough at him for what he did. He was terrified that Steve thought that wasn’t him, that that night had been someone else inside of Billy taking control, when in reality it was just him. He has no excuse for what he did, no real reason behind his behavior. He’d been an angry and embarrassed kid, one who was tired of getting pushed around. When Steve had found out about Neil he had held Billy close to him, like Billy was something worth saving. Like the scar on his chest wasn’t his fault, like people didn’t die because of Billy. 

They had moved slow in the beginning, scared of what they had. 

Nevertheless, he’s a man on a mission. He has breakfast to make, and a husband to coddle endlessly. Yet another reason why he loves Christmas. Steve can’t complain when Billy gives him gifts today. It’s a total win.

He starts in the kitchen, making toast and cutting fruit. Neither one of them eat a lot of breakfast, but Billy knows that today they both will. He starts a pot of coffee, getting out Steve’s “World's Best Dad” mug that Dustin gave to him as a joke a few years ago. It's Steve’s favorite mug. Billy gets out his own mug, one that Steve got him for his birthday. It has a crown on it and it says “King.” It maybe strokes Billy’s ego a little too much, but that’s what Steve’s for, right? 

Right as he’s about to pour the coffee he feels muscled arms wrap loosely around his waist. 

“You almost made me spill the coffee, sweetheart,” Billy reprimands gently, not that he cares whatsoever about the coffee when Steve’s with him.

Steve mumbles back a reply that Billy chooses not to acknowledge, choosing instead to get the milk and sugar for his coffee, which isn’t the easier feat with Steve still clinging to him, but he would never tell Steve to let go. Billy turns around in Steve’s arms, giving him a kiss. 

Steve’s hair is still wet from his shower, and he smells like home. He’s wearing one of Billy’s t-shirts and a pair of boxers, while Billy is just wearing a pair of Steve’s sweatpants. It’s domestic, them wearing each other’s clothes and cooking breakfast for each other. It’s also something Billy never thought he would have. 

“I can’t believe I’m dating someone who adds all that shit to their coffee.” 

“Baby, you can’t talk with your nasty-ass plain black coffee, fucking disgusting.” Steve has the audacity to look offended by that, as if they haven’t made clear that they both think the others taste in coffee is disgusting. 

Billy doesn’t even drink coffee that much, he prefers tea, but it was easier to make coffee, and that’s what this morning is about. Just an easy holiday with his darling. 

Steve drags them to the living room and into their couch. It’s really a horrible piece of furniture and they should just burn it, but it’s comfortable and sentimental as fuck to Steve, and admittedly to Billy too, so they’ve kept it years past its expiration date. 

Billy grabs their breakfast with one hand, his other balancing his mug and holding Steve close to him. He places their food down on the coffee table, and pulls Steve down with him onto the couch, burrowing himself into Steve. 

“You haven’t told me good morning yet, Stevie.” 

“Right, cause I was supposed to wake you up while you were sleeping to tell you good morning.” Steve shifts so that his mouth is pressed into Billy’s hair, and kisses it gently. “Good morning.” 

“Morning, baby.” 

“So what are we doing today?” Billy knows there’s not really much of a plan, the kids are coming over at some point he thinks.

“Well obviously we have to open presents first.”

“Obviously.” 

“Then we can basically do whatever we want until about five when we’re going over to the Byers house.” 

“I thought people were coming over here?”

“Hell no, I don’t want to clean our house up for people to come over. Plus, that would mean we would have to cook, and we both know how that usually turns out.”

“That’s fair.”

They don’t do anything for a while, content to just hang out with each other on the couch. They’re cuddled up together, Billy’s head on his hands on top of Steve’s chest, Steve’s arms wrapped comfortably around him. 

They’re talking about the most random things, from whether Die Hard is a christmas movie even though they watched it last night to which of the kids they think is going to get married first. Billy says Max and Lucas (he’s a little biased) and Steve thinks it’s going to be El and Mike. 

When they do decide they want to get up, they don’t go far. Steve moves to sit on the floor at the end of the couch and Billy sits next to him. They didn’t make a rule that they would only get each other one present, choosing to save up their money when they decide to move out of their apartment or some other big life change that comes when you’re dating and just out of college. 

The whole one present thing sounds like a good idea in theory, but there have been many sleepless nights on behalf of Billy stressing out over what to get Steve. This isn’t even their first Christmas together as a couple. As a married couple, yes, but Billy didn’t think it would change that much. 

So, when Steve gets to the gift Billy got him he’s nervous. He thinks Steve is going to like it, but what if he’s totally wrong. Steve probably wouldn’t even tell Billy if he didn’t like it, which just adds more anxiety to Billy’s thoughts. 

Steve’s long fingers deftly unwrap the gift, carefully pulling the ribbon off the top of the blue box and laying it to the side. Inside the box is a delicate silver chain with a blown glass charm. The charm is something Billy got on a work trip when there was a visiting exhibit from the Murano glass in Italy. He had seen it and immediately bought it for Steve, not giving himself time to second guess. It’s dark blue with white stars and light blue flowers scattered throughout, and it’s slightly transparent. 

“It’s beautiful.” Steve’s voice is a whisper, his eyes trained on the charm. Billy is still waiting to see if Steve likes it. The only jewelry Steve usually wears is Billy’s ring on his left hand finger, and Billy’s honestly not sure if this is something Steve wants. 

“Do you- do you like it?” Billy’s voice is soft, a tone he only lets himself use with Steve. 

“Baby, I love it.” Billy doesn’t doubt Steve’s honesty, he never could. Billy takes the necklace from Steve’s hands and clips it around his neck. It sits just below the hollow of Steve’s throat. 

“Time for you to open mine.” Steve hands Billy a large box. It’s heavy and Steve tells him he should be careful with it. He opens the box and inside is a beautiful record player. Billy’s never had one. He collects the records for their cover art, and they’re hanging on the wall in their living room. The base is a warm walnut wood, the top lined with a smooth black material. The box it’s in is a light blue. Billy doesn’t think he’s even gotten a gift as personal as this. 

“I knew you would never buy one for yourself, and I figured it was something that you could use everyday. If you don’t like the color we can switch it out or-“  
“Darling, this is perfect, thank you.” He gives Steve an awkward one-armed hug, the record player still in his lap. 

“I know we only said one gift, but this one kind of goes with that one. It should be at the bottom of the box.” It’s a record of Simon and Garfunkel’s Sound of Silence, one of Billy’s guilty pleasure albums that only Steve and Max know he listens to. Though if they know it’s likely that everyone knows, not that he cares anymore. Before he knew Steve he was very… meticulous about keeping up his image, but he could care less now. He wasted too much time trying to get people to fear him because it was better than them hating him. He’s done with that now. Billy kisses Steve on the cheek and gets up to set the record player up on their Tv stand where they have an open place. He puts in the album, the soft Sound of Silence playing in the room. Steve is still sitting on the floor, watching Billy set the record up. 

Steve looks lovely, the ethereal light of the morning leaking in through their window, bathing him in a soft light. The chain around his throat somehow makes him look more owned than the ring on his finger, which says a lot. They can’t get married, a fact that Billy despises, but that doesn’t mean they don’t pretend. They each have rings on their wedding finger that had been a bitch to find. No one wanted to sell them rings, and in the end they had had to buy them separately, but it was worth it to stick it in the face of anyone who asked who their wives were. 

Billy vividly remembers the day he asked Steve if they wanted to have rings, pretending to be able to call each other's husband. To them, they’re married. He had actually been super nervous to ask Steve, not sure if there was any religious aspect to Steve. Of course, Steve had said yes, and later that night Billy worked up the nerve to ask about Steve’s religion. 

Steve told him the truth. He grew up Christian, but hadn’t believed in that in a long time. He told Billy about when he said that to his parents, how they’d asked how he could turn his back on his “brothers and sisters in christ.” 

“They turned their back on me first.” The way Steve said that broke Billy’s fuckimg heart. He didn’t sound sad, just tired. 

He’s brought back to reality by Steve. “Do you want to watch something or…?” Billy picks up Steve, who laughs and swats his back. 

“Billy, I’m a grown-ass man. You don’t need to carry me places.” Billy rolls his eyes at Steve. 

“You're my grown-ass man. I get to carry you around wherever I want.” 

“Bet you can’t do it with one hand.” Billy scoffs and shifts Steve to one arm, holding him. 

“Ha, I told you zoey could do it with one arm.”

“So strong. Now pass me my coffee.” A laugh is pushed out of Billy at how Steve very clearly played to Billy’s ego.

“Well played, pretty boy.” He grabs Steve’s coffee mug and hands it to him, trying not to spill it. 

“Why thank you Billy.” 

“You’re fucking gross.” The coffee in his mug isn’t even warm anymore. “How are you drinking that shit.”

“Oh, fuck off.” 

“Gladly.” Of course, Billy doesn’t even make a move to let go of Steve once they’re on the couch. Steve is settled on top of him on his lap, legs wrapped loosely around his waist. Billy is playing with Steve’s hair, running his hand through Steve’s hand gently. 

They spend the next few hours together, listening to the music in the background and switching between records whenever one is finished. They get dressed to go to the Byers’ house, Steve in a caramel colored sweater and a bright blue beanie. Billy’s in a red henley and leather jacket. 

They’re rushing out of the door, somehow late already even though they haven’t done anything all day. 

When they get there the house is chaos. Neither one of the Byers boys live there anymore, they’re old enough to live on their own, but they are staying there for the holidays. Naturally Jonathan had brought Nancy and Will brought his boyfriend Jack with him as well, so the house is already crowded. Add on Billy, Steve, Max, El, Lucas, Dustin, Mike, Suzie, and Robin it’s a fairly packed house, but Joyce always insists that everyone gets together for Christmas day dinner, and it’s too much fun not to go. Plus Billy is pretty sure El and Max would kick their asses if they didn’t show. 

When they get there most everyone is there, minus Lucas and Max, who are usually late. They don’t generally have a reason for their lateness either, they’re just bad at time management individually and even worse together. 

“Lucky you guys, we were just about to start getting the tables out of the garage. Now you get to help.”

“Wow, no ‘Hi Steve, hi Billy. It’s great to see you, I’m glad you drove up here to celebrate with us.” 

“Sure, sure. The tables outside. Watch out, the garage is a bit of a mess.” While giving them these instructions Robin is shaking their hands, which from his is basically a hug. Billy can respect that. 

They do as they’re asked, getting the tables out and into the cleared living room. Right behind them is Mike and Will, somehow put on the duty of setting the table. Steve gets called over by Dustin to talk about something, and Billy wanders over to the kitchen where Joyce, Nancy, and Jonathan are hard at work. Nancy’s pretty much shit at cooking, and Joyce is fine. Jonathan is the only cook in their whole group besides Billy, who had to cook a lot for Max. He doesn’t enjoy cooking, and their group respects that and doesn’t make him do any cooking. 

He’s not doing anything, and everyone else seems to have a task, so he ends up watching the madness from afar. Just when he was thinking of interrupting Steve’s conversation with Dustin (they could talk for hours), he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he sees Max and Lucas. Him and Max have only grown closer after the events in Hawkins. Nancy and Jonathan say it’s the shared trauma, and they’re probably right. 

“Hey, Billy.” Max seems cautious to give him a hug, as if he’s still a little unhinged, which is fair. He pulls her into his arms, not letting the hug last too long. 

“Hey, Max.” He gives Lucas a pat on the back and nods at Lucas. “Hey Lucas.” He’s going to add more, be nice and sociable when they’re all called in to eat dinner. As is the tradition they go around the table saying a few words. There’s a place left open at the table for the people they lost from all their shit. 

Hopper. Bob. Barb. Sometimes Billy thinks there should be one for him. By all means, he shouldn’t be here, no matter how grateful he is. 

They dig into the food, chatting and laughing together. a fucked up family. After the meal they play a few games as a group; the bowl game, charades. They agreed years ago not to get gifts for everyone. It would be totally overwhelming, so they just have a drawing every thanksgiving for who gets who. This year Billy lucked out and got Max, and Steve got El. 

They open up the presents next. Max had been extremely excited to see the leather jacket Billy got her, patched on the back matching the ones on her skateboard. He has to admit, he’s pretty proud of that one. Steve had had more troubles with El’s gift. He wanted it to be perfect for her. Billy knows he feels a little responsible for her, they all do, even though she’s probably the strongest of them all. It’s been years since she lost Hopper, but Steve knows it’s still hard for her sometimes. Last year Jonathan had gotten her a charm in the shape of a sheriff’s hat to put on the blue band that was Hoppers. Hard to top that, but Billy thinks Steve did good. He had gotten her a pair of plain black converse, painted with a flowery meadow on the side, and in the middle of the flowers a familiar sheriff badge. 

It turns out that Dustin had had Billy, and he got him a keychain of a camaro to hang in the car he got after he was destroyed. It looks almost just like his, and he’s touched. Joyce had gotten Steve, and from her he had gotten a framed photo of Steve and Billy that she just had taken at some point. They’re laughing together, Steve kissing the top of Billy’s head, Billy looking at the camera and sticking his tongue out. He has no clue when or where it was taken, but it’s a genuinely good picture of them, which they don’t have a lot of. 

Billy and Steve didn’t stay much longer after that. They stayed up pretty late last night, watching movies, talking, doing… other things, and they have quite the drive to get back to their apartment. 

They drive back in a relative silence, the music playing softly in the background. Steve took Billy’s hand in him towards the beginning of their drive, and he has yet to let go, not that Billy wants him to. He would go through hell holding Steve’s hands and be grateful. 

When they get there they trudge up their steps, throwing off clothes on the floor and collapsing into bed, Steve wrapped around Billy’s torso. Steve is absent-mindedly tracking the scar on Billy’s chest with his left hand, the other under Billy’s waist. Billy is breathing in the scent of Steve’s hair, humming softly. 

Steve makes some wisecrack about how Billy’s turning all soft on him, and Billy makes some smart retort back.  
“I love you, jerk.”

“Love you too, asshole.” 

This is where he belongs. Steve in his arms, him in Steve’s arms. Together, where they should be. They’ve been through hell without each other, two separate kings fighting against the world, thrown together by a force so much stronger than them. They’re done fighting each other. They know who they are, who they love.

They spent years waiting for things to end, to get better until they couldn’t close their eyes without hoping for a fix to everything, blind to the one person who was that fix, that one right answer in a world or wrong. 

Billy drifts off to sleep holding onto the history he’s proud of. The history he has with Max, and El, and Nancy, and above all his everything, his love, his Steve.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the longest thing i’ve ever written wow okay okay oka
> 
> let me know what you think! thanks for reading!


End file.
